THE GAME IS OVER, GO KILL YOURSELF

Blogger is slowly killing my soul -- so instead of that, we're going out on a high note. Shout out to Kate and Dan for being awesome, and to anyone who's made a little spoon joke in the last two weeks. Stay classy, everyone.

Ball's in your court, 25. (And -- apparently -- in your mouth).

Rao.

RE: PROGRESSIVE AUTHOR SEEKS EDITORIAL INTERN

To whom it may concern:

With a consistent track record of success in previous professional positions, I believe I have the work ethic and discipline to benefit you in your work. For many years I have been greatly interested in the military and its impact on the world. I would very much like to assist you in your efforts and I have the combination of interest in military matters and academic experience to successfully act as your research assistant.
My professional experience gave me the motivation to work towards higher goals; a motivation that requires me to work through my current academic situation. My work at AIT taught me a lot about assisting a superior in the workplace. I came out of that opportunity with excellent written and oral communications skills. In my time at Starbucks I learned the benefits of time management and how to use my time most effectively. These experiences provided me with a unique skill set and one that I believe will be of great advantage to you.
My greatest love is literature; everything from William Shakespeare to Edgar Allen Poe to Andy McNab. It is my hope to someday have the opportunity to write something that will change the world, or at least one person's perspective of it. I believe this position would be mutually beneficial as I hope to learn as much from you as you will get from my effort towards helping you complete your book.
I have attached my resume and essay, and I greatly look forward to hearing from you and especially scheduling an interview for the near future. If there is any more information you would like, do not hesitate to contact me.

[OH GOD THE ESSAYS]

The military-industrial complex has become a part of daily life, regardless of nationality. In the United States, twenty percent of federal taxes go to fighting wars in distant countries on the premise of preventing bloodshed on American soil. In the most recent conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, not only have trillions of dollars been lost to these Imperialistic efforts, but thousands of American lives and countless Afghan and Iraqi lives as well. The idea that we are somehow protecting ourselves by instituting our way of life on people from another culture is not only foolish, but irresponsible. The methods used since the start of the Vietnam War have not been those of understanding and problem-solving, but of brute force.

The worst part is that this military-industrial complex has found its way to our streets. An illegal prohibition on drugs has led to the militarization of our police officers. Bullet proof vests, automatic weapons, and light armored vehicles are now a part of police departments in every major city. This need to feel safe by declaring war against foreign nations has found its way to our streets. Innocent people are being killed on a daily basis not just abroad, but here at home as well. Highly trained Marines and soldiers are taking positions at local police departments and utilizing the same tactics from Iraq and Afghanistan in our own urban slums.

Is there an easy solution to these problems? Absolutely not, there never is. However, by working towards peace not by standing behind the barrel of a gun but by standing up with our morals, ideals, and ideas in hand we can make this world a better place. The generation before us became one of fascism and imperialism and this generation must work to make this world a more peaceful place before the last remnants of our freedom is taken by those that fear the word “different”.

RE: Job Posting

Dear Mr. Robinson,

I'm writing to apply for your editorial intern posting. I'm a senior at the [REDACTED] studying government and English, giving me the right set of tools to assist you. I won't repeat my resumé, but I have a long history of writing for publication as well as peace and justice activism. For the essay, I included a column I wrote for the school paper about the role of the military industrial complex on campus. If you'd like another sample then let me know, but I figured it fit with your desire for experience speaking out about the evils of war. The link to the piece is [REDACTED] f you have any more questions, feel free to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

[FAIRLY CERTAIN THIS IS A FORMER APDA NOVICE. PRANK SUCCESSFUL]

Re: Editorial Intern Position

Mr. Robinson,

I responded to your ad on Craigslist, and I just wanted to make sure you received it, so I'm resending the original email and attachments.

Thanks,

[PEOPLE SHOULD BE MORE PERSISTENT]

Craigslist posting

Dear Mr. Robinson,

I saw your post on craigslist and I'm interested in the job. I wanted to ask you first, though, whether you are looking for someone immediately (I'm guessing you are), or whether it could wait until June (after I graduate). I have plenty of experience as a writer and an editor, including in an antiwar activist capacity, and I'm eager to apply it to new tasks.

Please let me know if, by some chance, you might want someone over the summer, and I'll send a resume, cover letter, and the essay right over.

Best regards,

RETIRED MARINE WANTS TO ASK, TELL m4m - 25 (columbia heights)

hey dude whats up? Your ad caught my attention.  Im 5'11" 165 bl/gr.  Let me know if interested.  I have plenty of pics

RETIRED MARINE WANTS TO ASK, TELL m4m - 25 (columbia heights)

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/m4m/1551103502.html

hey man, what's up? welcome to dc. interesting posting. can't tell for sure, are you only 25? retired or medically retired/discharged?

I'm also in COlumbia Heights. prior military 12yrs active/reserves. free now. 35, in great shape, clean, totally masc, disciplined. interested in meeting up, making friends and see if we buddyup.